Warren Washington Association for Mental Health

Table of Contents

Pre-teens tell parents what they really want

The turning point happens when kids enter those turbulent teen years. Their world and yours can be turned upside down. Your ability to help depends a lot on the relationship you have built. That’s why KidsPeace calls age 12 “The Turning Point.” It is perhaps the last, best chance to build a “Bridge of Peace” that will positively impact your kid’s life! So, before your kids turn into teens, you need to know what they are really thinking and feeling. Here’s what American kids told KidsPeace what they want you to know.

“I need a safe place.” Your child needs to feel emotionally and physically safe at home, on the street, in school, whereverhe or she goes. But 12 year olds have some very specific fears that you need to know about and address.

“There are these guys at school” Bullies are an age-old problem that creates modern-day fears. One of every four preteens are so afraid of being hurt or threatened by other kids that they go out of their way to avoid bullies by changing what they do or where they go. Talk with your child about what is happening at school, on the bus or on the way home. Make sure your child knows what to do and where to go to keep safe.

“I’m afraid…” Today’s kids have adult fears. The number one concern of American preteens is fear of their parents’ dying. No matter what you or your child are going through, your kids need you. More than half of all preteens are afraid they will get AIDS, are afraid they might die or are afraid their parents will not be able to pay the bills. Almost one in two preteens are afraid they might be physically or sexually abused. These fears are real! Talk about them with your child. Assure your kids that you want to protect them and that it is safe to talk about their fears.

“I’m counting on you.” Your child needs to know you are there to confide in and to be counted on for help and guidance. Kids need and are looking to trust you.

“You’re my hero!” Most kids have at least one role model, and most of them say mom and dad are who they look up to. You are a hero to your child, so be one.

“Please don’t fight” One in eight want their parents to stop fighting with each other. They want you to have a better relationship, see love and communication and to enjoy more time with you. The next time you are upset, remember the kids.

“I matter to you, right?” All kids need to know they are loved and valued unconditionally. You child needs to belong and to be told “you matter to me.”

“I know you’re too busy right now”
One third of all preteens say that often when they have something they want to talk to their parents about, they can’t because they are too busy. Stop what you are doing and listen. Kids talk to those they trust. They talk to parents who are there when needed.

“I’m not a little kid anymore.” Every kid needs to be encouraged to grow and to feel respect and responsibility. By increasing your child’s independence, you can grow the confidence to handle freedom.

“Catch me doing something great!” Tell you kid, “You’re great!” You will build children’s confidence far more by telling them what they are doing right than what they are doing wrong.

“Help me make the right choices.” Most kids want independence, but they are afraid of making wrong decisions. Teach your kids early on how to think about a problem and how to look at both sides of the coin. Allow your kids to choose and even fail. But always be there to help when asked.

PASS IT ON: Teenagers do not often reach out to parents, school staff or other adults with their mental health concerns, but there are times when they could benefit from an informed “friend.” Tell them about “TeenCentral.net” This site includes links to other teen mental health resources.

National Blueprint Nurtures Children’s Mental Health

On October 17, President Clinton signed the Children’s Health Act of 2000 which authorized expanding research and services for a variety of children’s health issues. It was the largest single investment in children’s health care since 1965 and was motivated, in part, by the findings of the Surgeon General, Dr. David Satcher, who reported “a crisis in our children’s mental health” last year and followed-up with a National Action Agenda on January 3, 2001.

In the opening comments of the “Report of the Surgeon General’s Conference on Children’s Mental Health: A National Action Agenda” Dr. Satcher states, “It is time that we as a nation took seriously the task of preventing mental health problems and treating mental illnesses in youth.” Dr. Satcher points out that our current thinking is often focused on physical health rather than the more balanced and realistic inclusion of one’s mental health—a mind/body connection that the eastern world has recognized for centuries.

Since the understanding of mental health is still burdened by stigma, systems of mental health care are fragmented, seriously under funded and still oppressed by misinformation. To underscore the imbalance, Dr. Satcher writes, “There is no mental health equivalent to the federal government’s commitment to childhood immunization.” Nevertheless, in a study reported by Dr. David Offord, of McMaster University, emotional and behavioral problems are the most disruptive from ages 1-19.

This dichotomy is seriously harming our nation’s future leaders. The first big step in helping youth is for communities to recognize, and accept-sans moral judgments-that mental health disorders in children are real, more common than we think, and treatable.

Visit www.surgeon general.gov. for details of the “Report of the Surgeon General’s Conference on Children’s Mental Health: A National Agenda”. The report includes presentations by people from a variety of settings.