Get
Psyched Teens
Volume 1, Number 1
Are
you more than shy?
You're in class and the teacher asks you a question, but you didn't
raise your hand. In fact, you rarely raise it because it's too
painful. Your heart races, you turn red with embarrassment and
your mind goes blank. Is this reaction more than shy?
Someone who is shy may find it an annoyance, but most can overcome
their shyness. Nevertheless, someone who experiences Social Anxiety
Disorder (SAD) finds it very hard, sometimes impossible, to function
normally in large groups. According to a new book, Triumph Over
Shyness: Conquering Shyness and Social Anxiety, by Murray Stein,
M.D. and John Walker, PhD, people with social anxiety feel more
than just awkward in front of others. They often fear harsh judgments
and are terribly afraid of embarrassing themselves.
You can call yourself "more than shy" if physical symptoms
seriously interfere with your ability to lead your life the way
you want. Physical symptoms of anxiety include: palpitations,
tremors, sweating, stomach discomfort, diarrhea, muscle tension,
blushing, confusion. It is easy to see how these symptoms are
limiting and very often a person with social anxiety KNOWS his
or her reactions are extreme, but they feel there is no way to
change. WRONG! There is help for people who have this disorder.
Some of the things you can do to overcome your fears
- Take the initiative and show your interest in others. Most people
respond to people who greet them with a smile and ask about their
life.
- Focus on what you are doing NOW, not on the people who may be
watching you. Think about what's on your mind-not the minds of
others. Practice looking directly at the person you are talking
to, and try to ignore the sounds and sights around you.
- Try to stop worrying so much! Take deep breaths, remember your
positive strengths and attributes, tell yourself to relax, and
go with the flow!
- Try a self-help book such as Triumph Over Shyness or ask your
school counselor or parents for ideas. And then, practice, practice,
practice!
You
are not alone
Approximately 13 out of every 100 people suffer from Social Anxiety
Disorder.
Often, symptoms begin to surface in middle or late adolescence.
And although highly treatable, only about one-third of the people
experiencing these disorders, receive treatment. If you think
you have social anxiety disorder, take the self-help test located
on the web site of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America.
(www.adaa.org.) Show the results to a parent and ask if it's a
good idea to talk with your school guidance counselor, psychologist
or a mental health professional.
How
stressed are you?
Sometimes being a teenager is tough. Your parents expect a lot,
you just failed a test and your best friend is no longer talking
to you. Your heart beats faster, your palms feel sweaty, your
stomach is a little upset. What's going on? You may be stressed
out. Feeling stress is normal and sometimes it's good. It keeps
you focused and doing the best you can. But sometimes stress feels
bad-you can't sleep or feel sad or lonely. Don't ignore these
feelings. Stress needs your attention.
Do
you feel tired for no good reason?
Have headaches or an unexplained back pain?
Eat a lot more or a lot less than you usually do?
Have trouble sleeping? Have trouble thinking as clearly as you
usually do?
Have more colds than usual?
Suddenly have flashes of anger or fights with your family and
friends?
Let little things bother you?
Feel sad, moody and lonely?
So,
what helps?
1. Think about what's going on in your life. You may not be able
to change the outside world, but you can learn to control your
own emotions and choices.
2. Go easy on yourself. No one is perfect, no one gets it right
all the time. If you are trying hard and doing your best, that's
all anyone can ask of you.
3. Take one thing at a time & prepare for it! Don't wait to
study the night before a test.
4. Take care of yourself. Eat good food & get enough rest.
Drugs and alcohol won't solve anything and may lead to bigger
problems.
5. Exercise. Pick something you really like, not what you think
others expect you to do.
6. Cry to relieve your tensions and laugh at yourself. It's hard
but it helps reduce stress.
7. Relax. It's essential for everybody's physical and mental health.
Experiment to find out what really makes you relax and then spend
one half hour a day doing it.
8. Visualize being in a situation that causes stress. Visual rehearsals
build self-confidence and increase success, especially when you
see yourself being great!
9. Don't suffer in silence. Talk honestly with someone you trust
to express bottled up feelings and to help you see things in a
different light.
10. If you think your problem is serious, don't hesitate to go
to your school counselor for professional help.
Knowing when to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness!
Some of Life's Stresses
Some of the more common stressful situations are listed below.
Read this list. Can you relate?
FAMILY
PROBLEMS
These may include divorce, money problems, violence in the home,
problems with alcohol or other drugs, or the illness or death
of a family member.
PEER PRESSURE
When people ask you to do things you don't want to do such as
use alcohol or drugs, have sex, join clubs or go to places you
know are risky.
SELF-ESTEEM
You think you aren't smart enough or popular enough.
TOO MANY ACTIVITIES
Doing a lot of things may be fun, but you may need more time to
just relax.
CHANGES IN YOUR EVERYDAY ROUTINE
Switching schools, moving to a new neighborhood or a new grade.
FEAR OF VIOLENCE
Feeling unsafe in your neighborhood or school can create almost
constant stress.
Do
crowds scare you?
Sounds like you may be over anxious and you may need help learning
ways to cope in crowds and make the most out of your life. Anxiety
and other emotional disorders can effect your school work, relationships
with other people and how much you can enjoy the world around
you.
Sometimes
the Road gets Rocky
Advice from the Field By Linda Donovan, CSWR-Caleo Counseling
Services
Dear
Linda,
I used to be good friends with this girl, but now she's angry
at me all the time. It started when I spent recess with a few
other girls over a month ago. Now, she has a "gang"
of people who huddle together, point at me and laugh all the time.
I tried talking to her, but she's always angry at me. At this
point, I don't want to be her friend and just want her to ignore
me. Her parents divorced recently. We are both in 7th grade. Please
help.
Signed: Being Bullied in School!
Dear
Being Bullied,
Hi, thanks for writing! It sounds like things are pretty tough
right now. This is something EVERYONE can relate to. It seems
like your friend felt rejected - a feeling she's probably having
with her parent's divorce too!) and now instead of being able
to discuss that hurt in a rational way, she is acting out by attempting
to hurt you back. I can certainly understand why you are reluctant
to become friends again with this girl! Friendships will come
and go as life changes and circumstances change as you grow and
develop as a person. Sometimes both people can acknowledge these
changes and move on without a lot of pain and grief, but more
commonly, someone is ready to leave or change and the other is
not. Result? Hurt feelings. You have a few choices here.
1. Try to get her alone and tell her that you may have hurt her
in some way and can the two of you talk about it openly. She may
try to deny that she hurt you, but the proof lies in her actions.
OR
2. Realize that her behavior stinks, and ignore it. When she sees
that she can't get a response from her attempts to aggravate you,
her behaviors will become a lot less interesting-both to her and
her "gang" of friends.
I know that times like this can hurt really bad. Just try to keep
in mind that it will pass, so hang in there!
Is
your road rocky??? Ask for help!
Write to Linda at "Rocky Roads"
c/o Linda Donovan, AMH, 3043 State Rt. 4, Hudson Falls, NY 12839.
Or Email your question to: linda@wwamh.org.
You can also ask Linda a question by clicking on "Ask
the Therapist."
Bullying
hurts!
Hitting, threats, and teasing can all be considered "bullying."
Is this happening to you? If so, here are some recommendations
to try to end the pain caused by this behavior.
You
must talk to a teacher. Discuss what's happening, and the fears
you feel from this behavior. Ask what the teacher can do to help
stop the bullying. If the bullying continues, talk to the teacher
again. You may even need to talk with the school psychologist
or principal before the problem's solved.
Schools need to have safe and relatively happy environments for
the best learning to occur. So please remember-bullying will probably
continue unless we all work together to stop it.
It's
not your fault that you are being bullied and you shouldn't have
to face it on your own!
Good
decisions start with self-esteem
You really like your best friend, but do you really like yourself?
It's easy to like who you are (have high self-esteem) when you've
done something great-gotten an "A" or told a joke and
everyone laughed. But, how do you feel about yourself when these
things DON'T happen? Do you feel dumb or left out? Do you start
wishing you were someone else? Do you feel you're not good enough?
When you're feeling these things, your esteem is "low"
or "negative". Young, or old, we ALL need to work on
building positive self-esteem all the time - not just when things
are going great. Sometimes, though, we let others tell us how
to feel about ourselves. From the day you were born, parents,
teachers, friends, TV shows, music videos and magazines have influenced
your decisions-telling you how to feel and how to act.
So,
why is it important to have positive self-esteem if everyone is
going to tell you what to do? Because "liking yourself"
gives you courage to be your own person and to believe in your
own values when the pressure is on to make important decisions.
Check
your choices
You probably want to be part of a group-the "cool kids",
"jocks", whatever. Belonging to a group is part of growing
up, learning to be a friend and learning about the world. It's
OK to want to be liked by others. But NOT when it means giving
in to a decision that may not be good for you because of pressure
from friends or because you don't really like yourself. Learning
how to build your self-esteem and how to make decisions that feel
good...and are good...for you, takes self-knowledge, skills and
practice.
You'll
know when you're making a bad decision (listen to your inside-are
you comfortable with the decision you just made? ) If you're decisions
feel too uncomfortable or include too many dangerous risks, we
hope you will decide to get help to learn better ways. Your self-esteem
will grow.
Feeling
bad about yourself? Work on self-esteem
-
Be honest with yourself.
- Set realistic goals.
- Enjoy yourself when you have achievements.
- Take one day at a time and do your best each day.
- Think for yourself!
- This is your life-value and respect yourself. And if you can't,
get help and get better!
