Get Psyched- Teens

Get Psyched TEENS
Vol.1 Issue 2

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." - James Baldwin

"One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer"1
By Diane Litynski, PhD, Marketing Representative-Corporate Programs, RPI

They're beautiful people - the trendsetters, the wonder-kids, the musical virtuosos. We tap the dashboards of our cars to their songs; we look forward to a dentist appointment just to read the back issues of People; we stand in check-out lines staring at magazines graced with their perfect bodies, their flawless skin, their painted, photogenic smiles. Not one of us looks like them, has their income, nor (as we are reminded as we slog through slush and snow, collars turned up, salt-stains on our boots) do we have their lifestyles - do we?

Sadness, eating issues, substance abuse, heart-ache, headache, toothache, mounting bills, lonely weekends, irritable friends, demanding parents and teachers - these things are typically our lives, not those described above.

Perfection at a price
Kate Moss is 28 years old, tall, thin, captivating, born in the cosmopolitan lifestyle of London, England. She commands $10,000 per day as a high fashion model. She is the palette for a crew of artists that dress, paint, and direct her down a narrow catwalk for yet another modeling show. And direct her they must, if not actually walk her to the end, holding her upright the entire time.

Kate Moss starting drinking at the age of 12. Her parents divorced when she was 15. She started modeling shortly thereafter, catching the eye of designers because of her tall, lanky figure, and under-nourished body. To keep the hunger pains and the nerves under control, Moss brought a flask to photo-shoots, and smoked marijuana before, during, and after modeling shows. A woman with a self-made fortune of over $22 million gets jitters?

When on location, models are subjected to seashores in March, where photographers keenly block out snowdrifts while models splash in ankle deep, freezing, ocean water. In August, it's sheepskin jackets and furred topped boots. Then, back to the hotel room to a meal with the staff and crew, or better, avoid the food altogether - extra pounds mean no designer interest -and no job. If one is in a town with a nightlife, models can spend their paychecks with arranged acquaintances in attire dictated to them by the designers and modeling administrators - just don't ruin the artwork. In September 2001, Moss was involved in a car accident - she was airlifted to a hospital. Medical staff hurried to attend to her minor cuts and bruises, ensuring that none had touched her face.

A model's life is not a "model" life. Kath Moss accepted its tribulations with resolve - she is now in a period of recovery for her addictions. When we see photos of her today, she is heavier, and her eyes are clear. In her words, "I'm sober. I'm single. I have great friends. I like my job. I'm not stupid." says Moss.2

Facing fire and rain
What if your gift in life, to life, is not what the outside world sees, but what your inner heart creates? What if the world responds to you with nothing less than ovations, flicking lighters at concerts, encouraging encores - what could possibly cause disharmony in a life such as this?

James Taylor grew up in North Carolina where he was exposed to country-rock music, and a slower, southern lifestyle. As he became a known artist and musician, he fell victim to what uncontrolled, untaught success can cause. He weathered drug addiction, failed relationships, the deaths of a parent and brother, and a friend's death to suicide - and he learned how to weather the dynamic life of a celebrity. We love his music because of its rhythms and its lyrics, and maybe because we are allowed to see ourselves among the stanzas. They remind us that money really doesn't buy happiness - we find happiness, cultivated among the hell of daily trials - resetting our criteria to see the important and filter the trivial.
Taylor allows us to see his challenges. Fire and Rain was written over a period of time, and attests to life in Taylor's shoes. The first verse was written in a London apartment, expressing his reaction to his friend's suicide:

"Just yesterday morning, They let me know you were gone.
Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song.
I just can't remember who to send it to."
The second stanza comes from a hospital stay in New York, where Taylor was trying to rid himself from his long battle with heroin: "Won't you look down upon me Jesus
You gotta help me make a stand
You just got to see me through another day.
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way."
The last verse again is from a hospital stay in Massachusetts, where Taylor continued his fight with his inner rivals:
"Been walking my mind to an easy time,
my back turned towards the sun.
Lord knows, when the cold wind blows
It'll turn your head around.
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come.
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground."3

Depression, addiction, eating disorders. They affect the rich and the not-so-rich --from Princess Diana to myself. Some see the hell and face it; some, like Kurt Cobane and Karen Carpenter, never lift their heads to see that the journey isn't dictated to us, but written by us - one footprint after the next.

1 Song title and lyrics by Amos Milburn, recorded 1966.
2 www.eonline.com/Facts/People/bio
3 Sony, Time Magazine, Warner Brothers, www.empirezine.com

Is a disorder eating you?

Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses which destroy the body. If left untreated, bodies will eventually die. What may begin with a simple thought to "lose a few pounds" can turn into a complex disorder which ultimately rules a person. The longer the disorder is denied-the longer he or she uses food as a symbol of something else-the more difficult it is to recover. The earlier the detection, the better chances for successful recovery. Kate Moss is an excellent example of a person who conquered not only this disorder, but substance abuse. Some primary symptoms for all eating disorders are: eating large quantities of food without feeling "hunger" or "fullness", feeling "out of control" while eating, feeling ashamed, guilty or disgusted while eating/over eating. All eating disorders have dangerous health risks. Some are damage to the heart muscles, reduced bone density, muscle loss, severe dehydration which can result in kidney failure, damaged esophagus, or tooth decay. Eating disorders are serious. If you suspect someone you know has an eating disorder, talk to her/him about getting help.

Dying to be thin: Is this you or someone you know?

Bulimia Nervosa
A secretive cycle of bingeing and purging. Some warning signs include-unusual swelling of the cheeks or jaw area, evidence of frequent trips to the bathroom after meals, presence of wrappers of laxatives or diuretics, excessive rigid exercise regiment.

Binge Eating Disorder
Frequent episodes of uncontrolled eating. Some health consequences include high blood pressure, heart disease, secondary diabetes. Many people who suffer from this disorder have a history of depression.

Anorexia Nervosa
Self-starvation and excessive weight loss. Intense fear of weight gain or being "fat", feeling overweight despite dramatic weight loss. Some unique warning signs include denial of hunger, refusal to eat certain foods and progressing to restrictions against whole categories of food, developing food rituals, excuses to avoid mealtimes or situations involving food.

This article was excerpted from the edap web site. To learn more visit edap.org.
Search "eating disorders" to find many more resources.

Alcohol & Drug Use
Who or what's got control?

Young people sometimes turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with life's frustrations, to feel more adult-like, to fit in, to rebel, or to satisfy curiosity. Some teens can experiment and stay in control of these substances, others are more vulnerable to abuse because they are typically the people who use addictive substances to hide from feelings. These people may be clinically depressed and "just" trying to "feel better." Addiction is usually progressive; it takes the addict to defeat. If you experiment with drugs or alcohol, ask yourself why. Are you doing it because you need more than to "just fit in?"

Visit www.nmha.org for more information about dual disorders-how depression often accompanies substance/alcohol misuse.

Sometimes the Road gets Rocky
Advice from the Field
By Linda Donovan, CSWR-Caleo Counseling Services

Dear Linda,
I've been with my boyfriend for three months now. In the beginning, he acted like he loved me-calling all the time and going out on Friday nights. Lately, he's been acting pretty rude and mean. When we're together it's as though he doesn't even like me. I try to be what he wants, but it's never enough or I just can't help myself from saying what I think about how he's behaving and then I make him angry. Last Friday night, he started tickling me even though I've told him I hate it. He just laughed and kept it up until I screamed in his ear. That's when he hit me. He said I made him do it and I guess I shouldn't have screamed. What can I do to make him treat me nice again?
Signed, "Do I need to try harder?"

Dear "Need to try harder",
First, let me begin by responding with an emphatic NO!!! No, you do not need to try harder and I will tell you why. The behaviors you are describing perfectly illustrate an abusive relationship-one that is based on fear and power and control rather than mutual care, concern and respect. It is very rare that abusers start off as abusive. Most relationships that become dangerous and painful in both emotional and physical ways start off as loving and caring. The idea is that once a person starts to rely on, and feel close to the other person and once the "honeymoon period" wears off, the abusive side to a person may begin to show itself. Often times, the start of an abuse cycle may be very subtle, such as the person criticizing you because they "want to help you better yourself." An abusive person might then try to influence you to spend all your time with him and attempt to isolate you from your family and friends. Their motive is to make you more dependent on them so there will be fewer observers of the abuse who may encourage you to get away from that person. Eventually, this can lead to severe verbal, emotional and physical abuse. Please know that abuse is not only hitting. Verbal and emotional abuse can leave deep and long-lasting scars long after bruises have faded.

The bottom line is NOBODY that hurts you repeatedly, deserves to have a place in your life. The teenage years are one of the most difficult times in a persons life. It's time for YOU to be your own BEST FRIEND. If you wouldn't want to see your friend in an abusive relationship, why then would you keep yourself in it? Life is too short to be with men or women who claim to love you while making you feel so bad about yourself. In actuality, these people feel very low about themselves and they attack others as a way to feel superior. Now, this doesn't mean you should try to "fix them". He or she is the only person who can change himself/herself. So tell him and show him that you value yourself by refusing to continue in the relationship. Tell him he needs help with his self-esteem before he can positively relate to another person. If you are afraid of repercussions from this person, confide in a trusted adult who can help you. And then once you are out of this situation, don't think about how you "caused" this person to hit you, rather think about why you believe that you deserve this kind of "love" that only hurts.
Good luck! Linda

Is your road rocky??? Ask for help!
Write to Linda at "Rocky Roads"
c/o Linda Donovan, AMH,
3043 State Rt. 4, Hudson Falls, NY 12839.

Or Email your question to: linda@wwamh.org.
You can also ask Linda a question by clicking on "Ask the Therapist"